+perpetually injured sixth man

I can’t be 100 percent on this but I’m pretty sure my balls just made the Windows XP shutdown noise halfway through.

Already starting a pornogrind band with that name.

Katherine Knight just started drooling and sharpening her bedside knives.

I’m assuming he also knew his mission would very likely kill the people he was trying to convert due to exposing them to diseases they haven’t encountered. Not that he would have cared, given literally everything else that should have stopped him.

“What is embarrassing is having your pants around your ankles and you dick in your hand, staring at a fucking MILF video buffering while you have a stroke.”

Buffalo fans have to feel like Dobby getting a sock thrown at him, right? (And because it's not Peterman throwing it any more, Kreacher isn't going to catch it.)

I’m in New Hampshire too (populated area-adjacent, trying to get the moose to the polls) and wasn’t sure what to think about those questions. Figured they would be used by the right wingers because taxpayers (and the people I knew who identified as such elsewhere were conspiracy mongering nutbags). Would’ve been nice…

So that explains New Orleans’s approach. Can’t have young players who are butt if you trade all your picks for older players who are varying degrees of butt.

Only explanation I can think of is if he’s using voice to text, which leads to an even more hilarious visual of him raging into his phone (probably from a car because that’s prime ranting territory).

Trying to remember where I heard it, but reportedly mail that has more postage than required is considered suspicious and subject to screening because domestic terrorists like this dude would think to put a lot on there so it doesn’t get held up due to insufficient postage.

Considering that was the exact line of reasoning one of my college professors used to still have class on 9/11... probably serious.

It’s really more of a river than a lake, but they’re on it.

The only strength coach who deserves to be paid. But in mustache wax.

Did making the playoffs last year spark Sean McDermott’s gradual evolution into every stage of the galaxy brain meme?

Long Island to Bristol? Why would you do that even if someone else is paying for it? Even if they did the ferry... seriously, at that point just move to Connecticut, the pizza is close enough to New York quality.

Are they also banning all Dudleys, including (but not limited to) Sign Guy, Dances With and Chris?

If he wasn't real the Name of the Year tournament would have willed him into existence.

Hopefully Adam Jones doesn't get called a tool or swept up in Baltimore's undertow.

Having worked in Torrington that thing with the mayor sounds like the most northwestern Connecticut thing ever. Needs more painkillers to be peak northwestern Connecticut, though.