If you watch the unauthorized porn parody, be sure you DuckDuckGo it, particularly if you're at work.

She's a wife — and she's good. What else do I need to know?

This is exactly what I think when I see shows like Limitless. It's not great, it's not even particularly good, but it has a concept and setting that would have allowed them to drop literally any actor into the lead role and almost certainly benefit from it. Instead, we get another Generic White Dude, whose defining…

Makes no sense. I mean, how do you think that dog got on fire, anyway? That's right — at the the fireworks factory.

I'm perfectly capable of fondling myself, thanks.

They are shiny. Like, real shiny. At least on one side.

I like the part about finding $5. All stories should end like that.

I read about Parade in Reader's Digest, which I read about in Prevention, which I saw an advert for in a Mad Magazine-style fold-in split between issues of Highlights For Kids and Letters to Penthouse.

He's had a segment two or three times that's very Report-esque — something like "Stephen Colbert: Who Am Me?" In one, he sat down with a psychologist who administered the Myers-Briggs. It's funny, and it really proves that he could bring back old bits like "Better Know a District" without having to rethink them much.…

No "It can be two things"? C'mon, AV Club!

I could tell you, but it'd be all cryptic-like. Like, you'd have to hold it up to a mirror to read it.

I wish people would stop mentioning that Nelson is a conservative. Seriously. I've forgotten it a half dozen times over the years, and I'm always better off for it. And while you're at it, please stop mentioning Laurence Fishburne's pornstar daughter. (Or… how about this? Make her the conservative and Nelson the…

I'd like to use Jessica Chastain's umlaut. And Amy Adams' interrobang. And…Tilda Swinton's…uhh…tilde? Hey, hey!

I refuse to grade this show in any way but Pass/Fail. There were a handful of cute lines, there was a sweet ending, and (per a thread above) the forgotten-song plot wasn't nearly as overused as I thought. Pass.

That motherfucker.

Yeah, I haven't been watching quite as regularly as most of you guys (I assume), but it's amazing to me that they pulled off something as fresh as this, two decades in. I don't care at all that I can't sort any of it out.

I totally get that — the picture tells you just how pleased with themselves they are. Of all the Daily Show lot, I think only "Colbert" managed to land this sort of joke consistently; maybe the layer of artifice had a sort of purifying effect on what ought to have been very awkward. Anyway, I don't think he tries it…

It doesn't just make me unhappy, it absolutely ruins the show for me. And I think it's a symptom of him going from four-nights-a-week to weekly — they have so much time to add to every damn joke, so they end up dragging some of them to places that are just a bit too remote for me to follow along happily. Such a shame.…

Less plausible? Ten-thousand spoons when all you need is a knife. I mean, everywhere I go, people are enjoying knives.

auto-erotic asphyxiation?