Same I thought. Was that part of the hiring criteria, must look like Fran Drescher?

The wife became very alarmed when she saw dolphin on our menu and proceeded to loudly berate me for serving dolphin. I explained several times that the dolphin on our menu was a different creature than the one she was thinking of, even pointing to a large plastic Mahi we had hanging over the bar.

*ordering at Just Salad*

I’m sorry, sir, the kitchen is out of dolphin.

*is seated at Ruth’s Chris*

Canada: putting the second “U” in humourless since 1867.

Haha they don’t even know they smell like syrup because they smell like that all the time!

Up the ante and make it Peruvian children’s music. There is literally nothing more annoying.

The good thing about the Irish is they always have a potato with them, so they can film stuff like this.

The fourth flip is also the hardest part for me when making a grilled cheese. By then I just really want to eat it.

Two of my biggest fears are 1. dying on an amusement park ride and 2. dying in a manner that would make people laugh inadvertently when they heard it.

I’m trying to find the part where they answered the question.

I’m a family law attorney, and my office has been up in arms about this all week.

“It’s more along the lines of it’s a logical step of preparation, like, I’m not afraid that my house is going to set on fire, but I’m going to go out and get a fire extinguisher some extra cans of gasoline, just in case.”

Good to know that the Spanish for “hat trick” is “el hat trick”.

The Onion headline:

Pubic hair on the coke can.

That's because you are smart.

No, I certainly did not. Probably because I know what ironically means...

Easily the best part of this is that the announcer coincidentally says "off the top of my head" right as the kid is getting cranked.