The best kind of correct

The scouts’ first idea to “throw coach Pete Carroll off a bit” was to have Metcalf tell him that jet fuel can melt steel beams.

I’m a Rockets fan. I’ve never had a scenario in my life as a sports fan where I love a coach as much as I love Pop, respect a team’s incredible two-decade-plus run of consistent greatness as much as I do, and hate the fucking team as much as I do. Pop is better at the thing he does than just about anyone alive is…

I bet they would have the fanciest press release “Now with spherical Pre-Dent in either the passenger or driver side of the rear bumper!”

Yeah, but all of them only perform the rear bumper offset test.

If it’s more important for you to have an emotional “moment” than to have a fair outcome, go watch a fucking movie.  

Was goalie in a “competitive” indoor league. My team was a bunch of out of shape former high school and college players. The other team had an ex-MLS player. Luckily he had more fun embarrassing everyone with his footwork and dribbling. Pretty sure he never hit one as hard as he could and they still were on you in a…

To be fair, if there is ever a tornado bearing down on Michael Wilbon, I also hope that no one tells him.

It’s hard to really appreciate how hard a professional soccer player can kick a ball until you watch a game or training at field level and HOLY SHIT the ball comes fast. I was behind a goal at an NWSL game and the velocity was unreal, and that was shots coming from outside the 18-yard box, not point blank range like…

I cried. I didn’t know golf could make me cry.

I can’t stand even moving the car in the driveway with them on. Any kind of driving further than 50 ft, I put on a pair of sneakers (usually Adidas Sambas or similar with a flat bottom is what I prefer to drive in).

My Porsche allegiance is becoming difficult to justify. The (likely) $30,000 base price differential means I can purchase a Corvette, with enough money leftover for a low mileage, two year old Toyota Tundra double cab.

I think there’s real reason to believe that, absent Magic, LeBron still signs with the Lakers. I think the credit to Magic is that he didn’t fuck that up, rather than he made it happen. Which is still something, but, like, not much to hang your hat on.

Disdain for the Truth? Is this a Heat game or a Trump rally?!?? Folks,

A great way to save Williams from running last.

Yeah, but after that game they went home, went to bed, and woke up in Canada, whose leader is not Donald Trump...so I’d say they all came out on top.

Hah. Jokes on you. As a Raptors fan these last few years I’m already dead inside. 

Coincidentally, Lonely Master was 2/3 of my high school nickname.

The thing is, you can regain your swagger playing Chinese basketball, but you lose all your confidence again an hour later.