Um, so, if Sager gifted his children with their share of literally anything in the many months before he passed, how would you know?

Men, we need to take responsibility for our actions BEFORE we die so that things like this don’t happen. That’s why I just sat my wife and children down on the couch and told them that when Daddy leaves their mother in a few years for a piece of hot young blond ass, there is NO WAY I will leave them out of my will.

At least his wipers won’t stick to the windshield. #silverlining

Kinda surprised that Pitt players aren’t getting paid, as bricklayers usually have a strong union, amirite?

It has to be uppity black people. It certainly isn’t the cost of tickets/parking/concessions; poor responses to domestic violence and brain trauma; that no one knows what a catch is; that the league’s punishment is inconsistent and makes the commissioner look like a idiot; that the league has saturated the market with…

Apparently, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

“It was a relief then that Rian Johnson did what needed to be done... I hear those criticisms, but find them easy to forgive in the face of how brave some of Rian Johnson’s choices were.”

TMZ got the bodycam video from his arrest

I actually knew a gay Jesus in college, like pronounced the same and everything. Always made the evangicals on campus angry when I said “Oh yeah I know Jesus, he’s nice though his taste in men is kind of poor.”

You should be seeing stars for this comment.

No one plans to get “knocked up.” You’re either making a conscious attempt to get pregnant, or someone knocked you up.

If only he’d known TB12 electrolyte water cures asthma.

It really is. You would think the mother would be comforting the child, but if you look at their facial expressions, it’s the presence of the child that comforts the mother. The child is beyond needing comfort. She’s accepted that life is meaningless and joy is fleeting.

Jeter gift basket jokes are so old, Roy Moore doesn’t even notice them while walking through the mall.

This would be a lot easier if you put wheels on it:

I get more of a Jason Mendoza vibe from Gronk:

Maybe they hired him because of the Staph he would bring with?

can’t cross...a golf course

Or you can leave Indiana and go to Canada, where they have a thriving LGBT scene.

There were 3 shooters in the JFK shooting: Oswald, the grassy knoll, and a squirrel in a tree on Dealey Plaza.