And lots of cocaine.

Otm Shank.

Tim Allen is involved with the Oscars? Is there cocaine in the gift bags or something?

And my nieces have watched it on DVD 372 times.

This is just one rung above "Uma . . . Oprah" on the Uncomfortable Oscar Bit spectrum.

Take that, Girl Scouts of America!

I can't wait to hear the conspiracy theories that Fox News comes up with for how the liberals at ABC purposefully made her look bad.

Have you ever heard his 7 beeps you can't say on television?

BB-8 is the younger, cuter model.

BB-8 is the Raven Symone to the R2-D2 that is Keisha Knight Pulliam.

Ladies and gentlemen, two people who will never win Academy Awards . . .

Roger Deakins, meet Susan Lucci.

True, but she did get to go on a date with Davy Jones.

Oh, I lived that story.

Saying that The Revenant is based on a true story is reeeeeally specious if you ever look up the real story of Hugh Glass.

Yes.

Fey and Carrell are certainly no Gosling and Crowe.

Mad Max can happen to all of us.

Can Heidi Klum's dress be nominated?

Can you believe that opening monologue?