I make absolutely no apologies for the fact that I really love the River Bottom Nightmare Band song that they do at the big talent show. I'm 42 years old, and it still makes me laugh and head bang every time. I would watch the shit out of any sequel that included them.

Wow, I never knew that the sequel to "The Jerk" existed until this very moment. I think that I might have enjoyed living the rest of my life not knowing that. Damn.

Thankfully, the language of douchebaggery is universal.

[sings proudly with single tear running down cheek]

That dialogue kind of describes the state of John Cusack's career these days.

But neither one of them holds a candle to Roosevelt Franklin:

Alex from Stroh's > Spuds McKenzie > O-Six

We didn't land on Tatooine . . . Tatooine landed on us!

It must be really strange living in a universe where you believe that Jonas Salk is history's greatest monster.

"Must all these films end the same way, with a long and loud effects reel?"

Eric Cartman had it right:

I saw "Do the Right Thing" on basic cable many years ago, and they had replaced every "motherfucker" with "mickey fickey." The whole scene where Radio Rahim buys the batteries from the Korean market was amazing to watch with this change.

My dentist recently gave me the riot act about Jolly Ranchers.

Ah, a Christmas release. Just in time for the rest of the Oscar-baiting prestige films.

I don't know what a dollymop is, but it's going to become a part of my everyday vocabulary now.

Um, aren't we too easily forgetting Benjamin Harrison's VP, Levi P. Morton? Look him up, and check out his facial hair. Yeah, he makes today's hipsters look like schoolmarms.

We've got our Lobot!

So who's going to play the role of the person who is actually slowly pushing the moving indicator, but keeps saying, "No, I swear, I'm not moving it!?"

Tatiana Maslany got snubbed . . . again?!?! Just shut the fucking thing down.

Jim DeRogatis is one most embarrassing music writers/critics in existence.