I had a high school coach who thought it was fun to hand out these kinds of gag awards. I remember one of my teammates getting the Big Butt award. Mine was something along the lines of the Diva Award, which I got ostensibly because I was very serious and cared about winning (the reality is that I, as a sophomore, had…

They just say "oh yeah, right away," then he's on to the NEXT batshit insane order, and just never follows up. The lack of follow through is the only thing holding this country together.

Public option was/is a politically expedient stepping stone to single payer. It isn’t a dumb idea. It’s smart politics. When you don’t have the votes for radical change, you keep the ball rolling. That’s fucking progress. It turns out, they didn’t even have the votes for the public option, but somehow the votes for…

There was a girl I knew once, freshman year of college. We were at a party but the two of us ended up in the corner talking over some drinks. We talked and talked and just really hit it off. Eventually, it turned flirtatious. Slowly, but perfectly flirtatious. As the party started to wind down, she invited me back to…

Honestly, this is a good thing. Primaries are designed for parties to winnow down potential candidates to the one who is most likely to win (or has the most support, which is effectively the same thing), and a larger initial field allows for better representation of disparate viewpoints under a collective umbrella…

I get it. You’re just going along, minding your own business and then, boom, you listen to some news and you’re racist. 

Fox has the same problem the GOP has — people don’t love billionaires or what they want to do in politics.

The estate tax should be 100% for rich people.   If you disagree then you should be forced to listen to Meghan McCain talk about any topic.   You will see things my way in less than 10 minutes.  

Idiot republicans have unlimited gall calling anyone a “snowflake”. They are rude, selfish brats and should be put in a very long time out.

Yea but our checks get that extra fat $1.50 a week that can pay off our Costco membership though.

I can’t put into words how wonderful it is to not see that smug bastard Paul Ryan sitting behind Trump, nodding his head up and down with that shit eating grin on his face over every single thing Trump says. 

For fucks sake, the Oscars need to be done so Bradley can GO AWAY!

I think I found his wallet:

Would you suck dick to fire Dolan?

This dumb dumb team. This goddamn Fyre Festival of a sports franchise.

You remember that Sunday morning, two months after dad left, you wake up and notice mom’s hair is seriously mussed, and then you walk into the kitchen and dad is making eggs like the past eight weeks never happened . . .

DREW I HELD MY POOP IN FOR WEEKS WAITING FOR YOU TO COME BACK SO I CAN HAVE A GREAT MOMENT IN POOP HISTORY

...and if you’re a particularly daredevilish drifter-type, you can heat up your can of beans on them.

Alternate method for setting fire to railroad tracks:

Why Does Meghan McCain always wear stuff that looks like they were made from my grandmother’s drapes?