“Your honor, I’m an engineering professional. Please allow me use of this whiteboard to explain in excruciating detail exactly why you’re wrong.”
*Furiously free body diagram until the case is dropped.*

I love being a Mech E.

You’re sick!

I want to tell her to calm down but then I think about the seething existential rage I experience at people that walk three wide in hallways and amble, or left lane hogs, or people that take too long to use the sugar/cream station at Starbucks, or people that forgot the form at the Post Office, or try and get on the…

Now you’re just being willfully dense.

I am curious why you picked this stance in this fight. If all the other trucks were doing the auto circus thing, your point would be valid, but since they don’t it’s an odd position to take. It appears that the laws of physics allow for a truck to miss a moose without pretending to be a motorcycle. So, there’s no…

At least you’re literate enough to read the headline. It’s a shame you’re not literate enough to read the actual article.

The other trucks didn’t have this problem.

Yeah, this isn’t a time for blind trust

Definitely a feature and not a problem. Plus, really an F450? Just store the damned boat at the marina and drive a car instead of a commercial vehicle around. ‘I drive a 15,000lb towing capacity vehicle to Starbucks’ is a travesty. If it doesn’t fit in parking spaces, it doesn’t belong as a personal vehicle.

Makes sense. Can we go with just slightly weird then?

If that’s a beer belly I’ve got a fucking double wide keg on the front of me. And I’m only 6' 200 lbs

I don’t think you know what a beer belly is.

rimshot

Isn’t Bud Light shitty enough to begin with?

That’s that gangster shit right there. I support.

I will absolutely read this if it’s done 100% deadpan and serious. I will pre-order a copy of the article of you get a camera crew involved to chronicle a day in the life of Alex McCabe.

It would have been great if they had called out the owner in the press release. “Gary, bring back your X3. It might catch on fire. Our bad, dude.”

No, I think he drives a Kia. The child’s name is clearly Abarth (and (s)he must snore loudly)

Sorry, Patrick, the correct title was “What is Alex Trebek Hilariously Shits On Jeopardy! Contestant And Her Whole Crew For No Reason”.