Anyone who lives in Las Vegas and judges a tourist should be punched in the face. Tourists are the only reason that city exists.

I weirdly needed this Jamboroo right now. I went to New Orleans for the first time the weekend before last (for work) and immediately realized that, with my dislike of humidity, crowds, loud noise, and seafood, it was gonna be maybe not the party paradise I hoped for. But I went to a Mardi Gras float factory and ate…

Fuck this shit.

If I was his son, don’t think I wouldn’t hand-make a “Happy Fodder’s Day” card next June. 

Shot Wad Facializes Black And White.

No, down. A 5'11.5 person isn’t 6 foot. 

I’m glad this ran a few hours after the Jezebel story of the guy dying from limb-lengthening surgery!

Always round up.

like a helicopter.

This is pretty standard stuff. Gotta burn through those vacation and sick days before you leave your employer

If the NFL has paternity leave I can’t imagine how any games get played.

My son can wear whatever he wants while making $330 mill

That lede photo is everything I hope my son will not grow up to be.

He has better children?

“Oh, sure, when a Judge in Florida makes kids cry by giving them his bat, it’s filed to Things We Actually Like.”
-Roy Moore

At the Yale game in 2001, at the height of the anthrax scare, when Yale was hoarding the cure, the band formed the shape of a Cipro pill. Pure art.

Looking forward to Chris Mortensen’s tweet with 4 Tekashi69 emojis.

the NFLPA is so bad even WalMart wouldnt bother busting it

After 3 weeks, Melvin Gordon tired of being a Sans Dinero Charger.

Well, Magic is all about tampering...