Our entire march forward as a species has been towards living inside, controlling our temperature, and not having to beat dinner to death with our bare hands.

For clarification, is it Cincy chili you hate, or Skyline in particular? I have a America’s Test Kitchen recipe for it (my favorite thing about them is that they actually bother perfecting recipes for total dumpster diner food I love) that’s AWESOME.

And then thay all applaud wildly and tear each other to pieces trying to fellate him.

Snozzberries is a metaphor for the failures of capitalism as it relates to the worker, while also leaving no space for alt:gender or alt:sexuality.

No CEO deserves more than $5M a year.

The sad thing about most filthy stinking rich people is just how sadly tacky their taste is. Either go all-in with a 20’ gold statue of yourself with an erect 4-foot penis in the middle of your front-lawn dirtbike track/monster truck arena, or hire somebody with a style that’s something classier than “Overstuffed…

I also refuse to use self-checkout whenever possible. #1. Like you said, it cost a person their job and I have to look up the produce prices myself, but it’s not like you get a 10% discount for doing what a person did and the machine is too stupid to understand. #2. Somebody always has to come over to check ID and…

I once dated a girl who said 10” was the ideal, but that I was “really close”. I almost laughed out loud. But I never tried to convince her otherwise.

Hi five for a sweet 36-er, bro!

I think a lot of male porn actors aren’t very tall. Remember the story a couple weeks back where Chris Hemsworth (6’3”) needed a comically large 10” flaccid fakie for a nude scene, just so it looked porn-normal?

Dude, this is the internet. Everybody knows you put the bottom of the tape measure somewhere near the small of your back and go from there. My internet dick size is 27”.

Those new big Indians are keyless, I think a fair amount of Harleys are, high-end Euro bikes are doing it... it’s just a matter of where Yamaha decided to spend their money on this.

At least he could run on his record as a Goddamn Sexual Tyrannosaurus.

Unless the Coleman cooler from Sears has a discount code, it’s 20 bucks.

Unless the Coleman cooler from Sears has a discount code, it’s 20 bucks.

Chuck Tingle does the Lord’s Work.

Sweet Jesus, I’m glad I never had to deal with that. I’ve seen some tampon graffitti, and that kind of thing happened maybe once or twice a year but there was a guy further down the totem pole. I’d just spin in a circle with a bottle of bleach.

In my (bar employment) experience, bitches also be rill nasty. The best was when somebody shoved a pint glass in the toilet, stomped on it until it shattered and was hopelessly wedged, and then like 50 more ladies pooped on it until poo was level with the rim. I literally removed the toilet, put it in the dumpster,…

I bought my BMW R75/6 from a guy who had recently picked up a monster KTM - whatever the biggest’un is. I’m 6’2” and it looked like the seat was about level with my armpits. That whole class of bikes just feels colossal to me.

I get what you’re saying - few animals are so fucking stubborn that they’d rather die than cooperate. But grumpy old housecats are one of those few. And in my experience it’s usually when the owners are out of the country for a couple weeks, with no way to contact.

We have a “Pain-in-the-ass” surcharge we bake into our pricing. If we have a pet boarding who get 5 different medications, 10 nutritional supplements in meals that take 20 minutes to prepare, requires special bedding that must be washed in a separate load with special soap, and bites every human it sees, you better…