“God Bless America” is the worst because they decided to just dump the whole “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” tradition permanently in order to play a religious jingoistic song that’s hard to sing.

THANK YOU! A morning constitutional is as you have pointed out a walk. Closer in origin and then morphed through the years is a ‘Morning’s ablutions’

The reason is that stupid people use words without knowing their meaning.

“Back in my day, we had to use something called our IMAGINATION. We had to cultivate that SPANK BANK!”

Some of the stuff I jerked off to as a young teenager without high-speed internet really wows me today. Exercise infomercials, Xena: Warrior Princess, even a scene in “Dustin Checks In” - which is a movie about a chimpanzee who lives in a hotel.

I’m so glad this is the first comment, because I almost skipped down here to ask the same thing. Has he not noticed how many 50 year olds are trying to get with 20/30 year olds? Kid needs to take up a volunteer job in a retirement or assisted living facility and see what’s what.

Yeah. It’s always the “Just a half hour of cooking (if you’ve got the ingredients), and a half hour of cleanup, and you’ve got a better meal” comments.

There’s another use for that word? Maybe that explains why the police aren’t taking my reports seriously.

THIS. The problem is not shirtless guys who are built like Gronk, it’s shirtless guys who think they are built like Gronk. Maybe they were 30 years ago, maybe they’re just delusional. Doesn’t matter; a grey-tinged, pit-stained wife beater would still be an improvement. And for the love of God -- boxers are underwear.…

Even that effort for something that is not even a dish in itself but a TOPPING for a dish is a pain in the ass.

Maybe you’re built like Gronk and you’re more confident about your exposed upper body. Even if that’s the case, I’d probably still toss a shirt on when you leave your apartment.

“...You slice a stale loaf of nice bread into cubes, fry the cubes in a shitload or oil and butter, add a bit of salt...”

I used to feel this way, and then Kinja inundated me with bidet ads and I gave-in and bought one.  Now the absence of my beloved bidet has ruined work dumps :(

I see that “shit on your date” is not one of your options. I have a bad feeling I’ve been going about this all wrong. 

The only problem is the Funbag drops ~2PM local.  Snickering on the can at work leads to a lot of side eye later.

OK, but did you shit before, during or after the date?

Isn’t this why we’re here?  Also for the vaguely inscrutable baseball-themed avatar circles?

Boss makes a dollar I make a dime, that’s why I poop on company time. 

I really enjoy the idea of anyone getting worked up over either guy’s catalogue. 

What is the best time to take a dump?