watermelon margaritas are good, but probably not so much when you’re pregnant

In what way is Bill Clinton a current or future leader?

What I mean to say is: fuck off, you transparent trash troll.

Supposedly the FBI has turned into our Facebook feed where half the department wants to stay out of things and the other half thinks Sean Hannity runs the department

Oh for fuck’s sake it is not. A week ago every single person would have said that they’re in the tank for Hillary.

The real question is why. Srsly FBI, why?????????????????

Well, between the squatting and the genetics at least they’d all have great asses.

.... it’s 10x10? = 100?

This is the best Leo.

Lol lol, genuine laugh at loud. He’s really living his best life though and good for him.

“save scum your babies”

I don’t see any hastily-written Cyrillic swears or screaming Brazilian children pinging my hero every femtosecond in those Dota screenshots, pretty sure that’s still false advertising.

And if you do it correctly you can get a Shiny Eeevee.

i would love to wear a surgical mask while on a plane but i don’t want to frighten everyone.

I’m a cashier and every time I see someone pull out a checkbook in a long line I break a little inside.

Man, she’s almost future ex wife material, but I’m kinda partial to this one:

The blue dress girl wins.

I was behind a guy at Costco the other day. Didn’t start loading the belt until the person in front of him was completely checked out and heading to the door. Wouldn’t hand his membership card to the cashier until he was done loading his overloaded cart full of items. Then when it came time to pay, he handed the…

I’ve tried multiple methods for getting thru the line faster. None work. So, what i now do is pick the line with the cutest customer in front of me. If there are no cute customers, then i go for the cutest person checking out. At least i can get some small pleasure from waiting in line.

If they don’t put a sign up I am guessing it is fair game, at the same time even people checking out with a few items take forever.

Short or long, I will always end up in the line behind the last person on earth who uses checks and it never occurs to them to start filling them out until everything is bagged and they’re prompted by the cashier to pay.