I bet that neighbor woke up the next day, saw that towel, and thought WHAT IN THE FUCK??????!!!! OR his dog brought it inside and got your liquids all over the place. One time, my friend got super drunk, puked all over the bathroom and passed out. Later, he woke up on the bathroom floor where he'd been all night, only…

I. Am. DYING!!!!!!! That is the best one!!!

THIS is the best story I've ever heard.

My life long quest is over. For I have found my Goddess.

I'm in the unique position of not cringing one bit at this. Because as of yet I haven't heard a poop-related hookup story worse than my own.

No, I can understand Ultron.

Dude. I feel like Brad Pitt at the end of Seven. I need Morgan Freeman to gently place me in the back of a squad car.

Everyone at work is collectively freaking out. Customers are coming in the door screaming. I may have sharted.

I believe this one's a reboot set in an alternate timeline.

NOT SOON ENOUGH. But after it kills off all the small tablets, which I'm also fine with.

It wouldn't. It would fill in a gap for cord-cutters. You'd have local TV (including local sports and the broadcast networks), Netflix/Hulu for basic cable and other shows, and finally HBO for their programming. There'd be practically nothing missing.

So basically, this is what the Lockheed Martin engineers are saying to us right now:

Until water costs enough for people to notice, we will never conserve it effectively. I live in Dallas, as we are proposing to build several new reservoirs that will destroy timberland and thousands of acres of generational farmland because we refuse to limit golf courses and green lawns. I say we find the median…

If they want to ignore them, that's fine. It's for everyone else reading who would think they were right if no other facts were presented.

maybe if more of us actually had to hunt and kill our own food we wouldn't be a nation of fat asses.

The fact that people question why a person would kill an animal and eat it shows how detached the majority of our population is from their own humanity.

Amazing story. Just a little disappointed not to learn about wolves firing fireballs in space...

I mean like I suppose you could do that

Yes we do.

I'll tell you what has been way too long, a refreshed Mac Mini.