We're not here to judge.

@willmmmm: You're about one Keebler cookie away from a heart attack.

@JohnnyDrinky: This is a surprise ... Nothing. Didn't drink at all tonight. But I did eat a ton of pizza rolls, meatballs, bagel bites and chocolate chip cookies.. I'm hours from inducing labor from my asshole.

@willmmmm: If you had seen it and listened to it your dick would have tied itself it a knot, shriveled itself to a dead black color and forced you to put on a Savage Garden CD.

"Back into the grime. Again."

Dr. Sanjay Gupta can feel his patients sicken.

@Gamboa Constrictor: Mark Twain always made the plot thicken.

But sometimes, a quarterback singing Nada Surf is just Billy Volek in the back of the team bus.

Charlie Sheen's latest girlfriend is expected to miss the next four to six weeks with both facial fractures and knee swelling

So, by this logic, last years Tebow ad made people abort more or less fetuses?

"... wonders if the Isles "are trying to promote spousal abuse or just good old-fashioned rough sex?""

Treat Yourself To The Motherlode Of NBA Close Game Subjective Fouls Videos

This looks like early long form text or twitter speak. The end is nigh ... Bill Nye.

@vodkanaut: #5 - Five short years till Margret Cho's terrible sitcom will be burned into our retinas.

@Fendi Hotdogbun: I'm totally right there with you. Every transition is a fucking fade. STOP ALREADY. It puts me to sleep.

@sweatingmullets: I'm more of a visual guy. Send SirTruthington.

"This was nominally a column about Eric Karros's spittoon spits. It was really an essay about tobacco and gum cancer, and for some reason, it appeared on ESPN.com, if you could find it."

@David Hume: Hot brilliance

"you've got a better chance of catching cholera."

@Landycakeboss: I didn't that you'd understand.