@CalvinandJahv: She's a bitch. Took my money. Stole the lids to my fucking pots and my copies of Planes, Trains and Automobiles and Rushmore. She didn't have a big enough car to take her couches. Too bad. They're fucking mine now and I sure as hell masturbated on them.

@tastes_like_burning: Just blast that trumpet during the day. Ain't shit on TV anyway.

@CalvinandJahv: Those Thursday night NFL games destroy my week and then come Softball season I'm a wreck again ... that shit lasts from May till October. I'm dead to rights.

@Telemundo: You! I fucking owe you huge!

@tastes_like_burning: I've been tearing up the house looking for this thing for you. They tell you to not put shit down your cast when you have an itch - and frankly, you shouldn't but when I was at the docs and they took off my first cast they shoved this thing down the cast to use it as a guard from cutting your…

@7MinuteAbs:

@Walk Off HBP: Me. My God, don't be me.

@CalvinandJahv: It used to be Thursday get plowed then work, Friday get plowed, Saturday get plowed, Sunday drink during the day but don't get plowed. If I wanted to drink during the week I'd go light or hard, didn't matter.

@7MinuteAbs: That nasty gram I may not want to share - too fresh a wound. I do have another one that I never sent to my other ex-girlfriend that I could post for you. That one was so viscous that I stopped myself from writing/sending it in mid sentence.

@tastes_like_burning: Look, let me tell you something straight up. Wear that boot like it was your Larry Fucking Johnsons from grade school because man alive, I was suppose to be in that thing for 2 weeks and I popped out just two days too soon and I'm sure that between that, the weight gain and Cuntasaurous Rex…

Getting older DUAN ...

@tastes_like_burning: Not sure if you caught any of my shit earlier this month but I'm a two time Achilles tendon rupture case. First time I was laid up for 6 weeks. The next time for 11.

@tastes_like_burning: What the fuck did you do?

@Same Sad Echo: I'm sorry but I think I'll stick to the Drew Magary- hate-my-life-and-eat-vegetables-all-fucking-day plan.

@jersey_red: No bunions about it.

Shawnee Accurately Scouted Confederacy Armies, Land Stolen for Services Rendered

@Always Winning: Best one of the day.

@jersey_red: There's no gout in my mind that weather could play into the outcome of this game.

@jersey_red: The way Ryan uses the media is causing an ingrown effect on his players.

@Same Sad Echo: