After my rapist tried to kill me at a school function six months after he raped me, I had him expelled (only by getting a restraining order, as the school wasn’t going to expel him themselves). I saw him once after, a couple years later, when he came into the store where I worked. He saw me and turned right back…

“LEAVE THE BRONX.”

If by white collar career, you mean stacking shirts at JC Penney’s, then maybe.

He got better

I think Abigail WAS God, anyway. 

+1 for making her own biscuits at 108 years old.  

Morgan Freeman as Azeem in Robin Hood: Prince Of Thieves. This amazing man invented the telescope (I mean, he had one hundreds of years before it was “invented” in 1608), performed the most successful caesarean birth in history (the mother was able to attack the castle practically the next day) and he introduced…

Just to remind you:

That lisp is definitely a major source of his anger and self-hatred. 

And 30% were running backs who scored five touchdowns in the city championship, and they became a shoe salesman when Peg got pregnant. 

I’ve determined that 40% of all Trump voters were Highschool quarterbacks who were this close to being scouted, but ultimately had their career cut short when it was discovered that Crystal was preggers.

lol I’m going to create @FakeJamesWoods and fill it with a bunch of reasoned, mature takes.

Ah, yes, you’re one of those assholes. Good to know so I don’t engage any further.

I ran for a local seat (Democratic County Committee) in the NY primary yesterday and won! What a surreal feeling to vote for yourself.

5. Barstool lives rent free in Deadspin’s head.

“I like my Holocaust victims to not get caught by the Nazis and sent to the ovens." 

OK stop spouting this ridiculous liberal bullshit. I mean honestly, how fucking dumb are you?