Why would anyone need a doorman? You can’t open your own goddamn door? I don’t want to have to look some strange dude in the eye when I’m coming home pissed-up at three in the morning, and then again every other evening... Yikes.

I’m going to have nightmares about this gif.

I had a friend who was trying to get pregnant at the same time I was. I was going to a fertility clinic and had offered her some helpful suggestions. She declined everything and said she would be fine, she’ll just start taking Materna* in order to conceive.

No illegal fireworks?

Death to spitters! Unless you literally just swallowed a wasp, keep your mouth fluids in your mouth.

“In the 1980s, Los Angeles had the fourth largest Canadian population of any city in North America...:” Huh.

Remember, 80% of Hollywood is Canadian! I read somewhere that the Canadian population in California is higher than all of Toronto. Not sure it’s true, but kinda neat.

I just assumed that “cute as hell” was some new slang the kids were using to mean “hideously tacky as fuck”.

More stars.

To answer your question, I believe I am in fact too old to appreciate these references. Nsync was what prepubescent girls were swooning over when I was old enough to appreciate The Stooges while get hammered in dive bars.

They can pry my Hellman’s out of my cold, dead hands.

Oh God, now I have new nightmares.

Whoa whoa whoa, hold on a minute... Stephen Harper was in a band?

I hereby propose Monday Night Social, a commenters’ forum for us Lowly Greys who enjoy a cocktail at irregular intervals. Who’s with me?

The voice narrating this article as I read it was a slightly more twangy version of Eugene Porter’s. And I’ll tell you this, son, it’s just as naive.

Jesus. Your parents suck. Sending you warm hugs and boatloads of booze and meat!

We almost called our daughter Lyra! No story, we just changed our minds.

When I was about 10 I found my parents’ Name Your Baby book and Regina was circled. REGINA! I almost died and thanked them profusely for not calling me that. Then my mom told me I was almost called Morgan, which I was fairly ambivalent about compared to Regina.

Please tell me your cousin’s partner is called Walnut or something to complete the salad.