There must have been a mohel in the police department. He was clearly tipped off in advance.

I like my strippers to be 36-24-AK47

Maybe he was there to apply for an off season job and was given some bad advice that his odds would improve if he had junk in his trunk.,

“I’m assuming your daddy is Janoris Jenkins”

TL;DR

SAN DIMAS HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL RULEZ!!!

How would you describe the pilot light on your stove?

He is a seriously good dude in many ways.

Uh oh. Don’t let any Moms watch this video.

Somewhere, for some reason, Mercury Morris is pissed.

It’s not my fault your father didn’t love you.

They’re not “called” sweaters they ARE sweaters. Do you think hockey was invented inside a climate controlled stadium?

Probably George Bush seeing as he’s such a fan of boots on the ground.

TL;DR

Tell me he threw their Pinewood Derby cars in the trash!!

sheet

Finally a Cam is around for a breakout performance

We all know Chris Paul is the real dinger-socking king.

Bushmills Black Bush is also an acceptable answer.

Has anyone ever heard of a Gypsy having a job? I swear unemployment is their religion.

Intensive purposes makes my brain explode.

It won’t let me edit any longer but this is a better Amazon listing for the knife:

It won’t let me edit any longer but this is a better Amazon listing for the knife: