Atkins : keto :: Ecstacy : molly

Why can’t people just eat like normal human beings and exercise. There’s no mystery to this, we did it right for centuries, and we often ate more calories and far worse foods.

You’re under the assumption that dieting is the practice of logical, scientifically minded people.

All this time I didn’t realize Keto was just the new name for Atkins. The nineties really are back!

Every time I watch HMPL, I am amazed how skinny everyone was. Try making that movie now and look at the difference in all of our bodies. Thanks High Fructose Corn Syrup!

• FELL OFF TOILET, FELL ONTO A MOUSE TRAP, TRAP CLOSED ON PENIS

Yes, and let’s be real. Blue lives is a reaction to a movement specifically formed to stop them from killing people. It’s telling.

JAMES WOODS, THE COCAINE ADDICT?

This. They are so incredibly common around leading men. Sure, you could get to that in a couple years if you had a trainer, lots of spare time and sleep, and a good diet. Or, you could get there in 3-6 months with a moderate amount of those things and steroids. Which is more suited to a profession where you party and…

It’s probably HGH and Testosterone. He looks like every puffed up fifty-something guy in Newport Coast. 

They’re not selling as well as the punching bags with his face on them for some reason.

Sorry, what I meant to say was, when does Wahlberg do acting go to a soundstage in LA to say “where did Donny go? Is he a Transformah on the fackin’ Planet of the Apes?”

It’s not a Hollywood schedule without some inane unproven “holistic” bullshit thrown in there. Honestly a cold shower after golf would be as effective, and cost less money.

Based on his films, he doesn't

I thought we agreed he beat off in the shower. 

Mark Wahlberg is a fucking troop/cop moron and an asshole, nothing he does is worthy of emulation.

You didn’t really live by his schedule unless you committed a hate crime in the evening. 

At what time does he assault an immigrant?

Never, ever, ever trust Susan Collins. She pretends that she is Charlie Brown kicking the football, but really she’s fucking Lucy.

Jeff Bridges looks like that now.