1 & 3 are legit call-outs, but his mom was a real dickbag who deserved it.

2019 UFC SIERRA - CHAMPION EDITION

Right by the siren switch, on the center console below the defrost switch.

Hey, who hasn’t?

No, Mr. Sharp would only have just the one wife, thank you very much.

Can I come too? Fair warning: I’d be splitting my time between the back porch, and wandering over to yell at any Little League kids about catching pop-ups with two hands, and how their launch angle doesn’t matter if they can’t hit the ball over the fence.

More like

What about that shit I took on the airplane?

Can we make sure this dumbass wears a lukewarm beer at every visiting park next year? I can take one of the spring training games.

Finally, I’m not alone on this one!

Could have been shortened to “I met a lot of interesting people.” If you’re keeping a running list of the few instances you’ve interacted with non-straight white people, then I don’t recommend choosing this hill to die on.

Um, hello?  How are they supposed to get in the rectangle if all four sides are taped off?

By god that’s a golden idea if I ever heard one. Somebody get this guy a million dollars, stat. You’re on your way to greatness, son.  And don’t let ‘em get you down kid.  They’ll try to tell you it’d never work, but they don’t know their ass from a hole in the ground.  You keep your nose to the grindstone and you’ll…

In thanks all I can say is what Günter would say,

Just because...

Poor guy

His (or anyone else’s) cleft chin is not a deformity, but rather a Mendelian trait (like my wily eyebrows and crooked nose, or your hypersensitive offense radar) that manifests where the two halves of the fetal mandibles fuse together. It causes no physical symptoms, and if he’s self-conscious about it, plastic surgery…

TL;DR: 2018 is a total fluke because CHIN.

Sorry Asst. Coach Smith, while I appreciate that you’re trying to lay the groundwork for someone to hire you, the answer is still no.

This is how it works is almost every - if not every - state that has a personal income tax.