Wait, I have so many questions! How did you know it was your company’s freighter and not another one in port on the same day? Did you rat the guy out? How did you know the host wasn’t making it up, or as a drinker, just confusing two different days? How was the right guy ultimately decided upon?

Jonathan:

The day that someone accidentally Sharpies a “1” instead of a “!” on their cardboard sign is going to be my last day.

Everything bagels are the worst insult to a delicious breakfast food since pulp-free OJ. I’ll take my cinnamon raisin or chocolate chip with a strawberry shmear, and save the capers (or whatever else is on that shit) for dinner.

You’d think so, but most of it was the engagement ring ($15k) and the wedding band ($5k). The rest was just occasional purchases since then.

http://www.reinersjewelry.com/

The key for me was finding a real jeweler who owned his store and took pride in his profession. My wife wanted a particular design she saw at Tiffany’s, but didn’t care where it came from, and had a few tiny things that she wanted to change about the ring. Oh and of course, it needed to be platinum. After I visited a…

‘80s sex stories just make me think of a dense, unwieldy bush. It’s weird, I know, but at least he was president.

Excellent job Diana. Wonderfully written.

Wait, now I’m an NBA Playoffs fan, and also a Knicks fan (two very different things, as we all know), but do you mean to tell me that there is a living, breathing, professional basketball player with the first name Fetus ?

Wow. I have not seen one prior to this picture. It looks like an H2 roofied an Econoline, and this was the resulting illegitimate bastard son.

Wow, that seemed like it happened so fast. In reality, I suppose it did. If we take a momentary pause from the vastly more significant loss that her family is experiencing, I think it is important to recognize that Summitt’s death is a real loss not only for the University of Tennessee and for collegiate womens…

Looks like Macklemore has gone back to the whole “poppin’ tags” thing. I guess this is what happens when the security guard trails you and the jacket’s sticker price is $19.00.

Well played, OBG.

I would love to see the vote totals if all the voters who don’t vote for a candidate because they think the candidate won’t win, would instead actually cast their vote for the candidate they think is best for the office. The thought process of not wanting to vote for the losing candidate is so frustratingly backward,…

Manute Bol?

Dunk on them.

There is a whole shitload of things wrong with leaving bible tracts anywhere people didn’t specifically ask for them. Here are just a few:

Reaching for Carlos Quintana

That’s kind of like saying that you’re one person, not two, so you obviously can’t be both unfunny and hilariously wrong. Yet here we are, again, proving your point to be incorrect.