I’m convinced Pete Carroll is the reincarnation of a weasel... and I don’t even believe in reincarnation.

They let Hillary cut in line, too. Just FYI.

I mean, we have food safety laws for a reason. Food safety laws are why the people who make your food have to wash their hands after they poo. Or, remember how entire families have dropped dead of botulism because of improperly canned tomato sauce?

She was offered a plea bargain that did not include jail time. It seems that she’s a super-good decision maker.

This time last year I was incredibly unhappy with my job and spent my extra hour fine tuning my resume. The mundane stuff was rewritten to sound awesome, powerful and “bottom line” oriented. I sat on that resume for nearly another year due to a whole host of reasons, and frankly, excuses I could come up with out of…

Masturbate.

i like beyonce (have forever, saw destiny’s child in concert three times as a kid) but is anyone else totally exhausted by stan culture? the internet acting like she is the greatest thing in the history of the world and completely above reproach tires me out(the amount of ‘woke’ people i saw defending her for that…

https://twitter.com/TheBlurBarbosa/status/793930702219870212 She’s been found!

Eh, I bet she writes a lot of songs that she doesn’t end up using because they don’t fit her sound/image. Besides, isn’t songwriting where the money is at anyway?

Have you considered parking legally?

Fun fact: Gwyneth Paltrow actually did die while making Contagion. However, prior to filming, she contracted a genetics lab to make a clone of herself to carry out her Goop legacy.

Jesus fucking Christ to both of these stories.

It’s safe to say it’s racist to see a skinny child out on a jog in public and immediately assume he’s going to steal your shit

It is not impossible to come up with a hilarious and non-offensive costume. Like the guy that was Sexy Bridgegate. That’s funny. This? Not so much.

To be fair, both Big Sean and Naya Rivera seem happy to milk their break up.

WHAT THE HELL WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS AND PUT IT IN WRITING.

It is every upper-class person, man or woman, black or white, who feels like the rules don’t apply to them.

Why? For a quick clean, they work well. It’s not a full wash/wax, but if it drizzles and the trees dump ick on your car, for $9, it works.

I know man ... can’t lose any value on that corolla

Sadly, not likely: