All my animal charges would be tubs of butter in like, a week.

I was dying at the end when she wouldn't let go. Oh my god, that is cuteness overload.

Is it free from dihydrogen monoxide? The threat is real y’all. EVERYBODY who consumes it dies.

Who discriminates when selling their house? I’m selling to the highest bidder. Period.

We’ll have to teach this song in schools.

This song is the most brilliant thing I’ve ever heard. Adding: I wish they hadn’t included the feared female leader, which undermines the message of the song by suggesting their feminism was coerced.

Thank you, Jezebel, for making me hate a 10 year old I don’t even know.

This at once both makes me feel glad that I decided against becoming a social worker and sad that I chose to not become a social worker.

Ha! This made me snort.

This is your brain on dogs

That line made me shudder. Though to be fair, anytime I read the word “speculum” I shudder.

I honest to god think I should get a million dollars for every time I was kind enough to swallow a man’s semen.

elijah’s white foamy mouth makes this way grosser

Yeah, but you can actually afford to go on family vacation if you only have one kid.

That last paragraph makes it sound like while CA has a law like this on the books, it hasn’t been implemented (yet? ever?).

I recently got an implant. Does anyone need my old case?

Columba aborta domestica

I really, really, really, really, really wish you could see who starred a comment that isn’t your own.