There’s not even a 500 day goal line. Brutal.

Has Wonder Woman commented yet? Or are we still waiting for Gadot?

“We were shocked—shocked, we say—to hear about these allegations. We have taken action, and confidence is restored.” -Weinstein Company Dwindling Board of Directors

“Nice work!” —Onan

While I still miss my mother’s perfect soft-cooked eggs on torn pieces of toast—slathered in butter— Jaques Pépin is the man vis a vis poached eggs. The secret is pre-poaching at your leisure, and retherming when you’re actually ready to eat them

The revelation of his behavior must have been a complete shock to the remaining directors who ousted him.

Remember slackers? This was one of our anthems.

How about no more national anthems at sporting events instead.

If the shooter was wounded by a strapped parishioner, whatever you thought it was go ahead and double it.

But whatever we do, we’re gonna do 100%, we’re gonna do together. 

That’s a huge hypocritical waste of some probably pretty top shelf inebriants. Judges must get the best drugs.

It’s Geno Auriemma reminding him he doesn’t care if no one watches UConn slaughter the Beavs later today.

I can’t think of a better terrorist deterrent than dosing them with empathogenics. We should all be concealed carrying top shelf E to administer to hateful fundamentalists whenever they open their mouths.

Great 6 word sentence.

Trump stamp!

Good job not going ALLCAPS in that #hottaek tautology. Hilarious send up of a binary screed.

Poor Frank. All his life: “no, no it’s pronounced boo•tōff. The L is silent.”

Ya got me

Oooh shade (grown arabica beans)

I felt forced to pick Starbucks, much like IRL.