I feel like if Buzzfeed ever needed hard evidence that they make better lists they would start here.

Tim Marchman also listens to Creed because he knows that everyone hates Creed and that makes Tim Marchman love Creed.

Cinnamon Toast Crunch Gets the Troll Scout Treatment

Marchman is the boring dad of Deadspin.

This is the saddest list I've ever seen, including Schindler's.

1. Milk and Honey Original Café Mix

I clicked on this thinking "if Cinnamon Toast Crunch isn't #1 this list is bullshit." So this list is 20 steps below bullshit, and three below getting hit by a car.

Cereals, Ranked APPROPRIATELY

TIM MARCHMAN DOES NOT SPEAK FOR THE REST OF THE DEADSPIN STAFF.

Ooooo, this sounds good. I wonder if B&J's email is flooded with ideas like this.

I want all of them. Aaaannnddd, I want them to make one a peanut butter core.

Right? Can I just buy all of them and eat them all in a row? Because that would be great.

It is 3 degrees F. I do not want to leave the house. I did not want to eat anything even close to the outside temperature. Now I think I have to put on socks and boots and coat and scarf. Just so I can get one of those devil creations. I blame you.

Get splash happy in the water rides of Minestrone Lagoon^®. Come face to face with the giant meatballs of Polenta Park^®. Venture through the mists of time as you experience the epic adventures of The Lost Gnocci^®. Plus experience new pulse-pounding rides including Ziti's Forbidden Journey, Flight of the Green Olive,…

I always Wikipedia after commenting, so now I know!

I will have a SERIOUS problem if this amusement park doesn't also feature at least one wine fountain. Preferably they'll just be dotted about the place.

Will there be salami rides? I'm asking for a friend.

Tunnel of Parmesan.

They could keep it classy and serve everything on a stick. Pizza on a stick anyone?