And remember, DJ is making $2.5MM this year, while they players are making DON’T YOU EVEN SPEAK OF MONEY YOU UPPITY GOONS. YOU GET AN “EDUCATION.”

Muschamp knows Durkin personally and not once has Durkin caused him to exercise to over-exertion and death so Durkin must be innocent.

Remember when all these tough talking FOOTBAW coaches acted like real men and accepted the consequences of their actions?

I stand by my previous allegations.

Anonymous sources are only acceptable when it comes to smearing some kid’s draft stock for “character concerns.”

The truly batshit crazy thing is not that he had trouble finding it, but that he thought a fucking golf major was not on TV, and that no one had thought to put a golf major on TV.

Eh, more likely he would write a 5,000-word column (or these days, record a 5-hour podcast) called “Clouds: Overrated, Underrated, or Properly Rated?” and it will be organized by Rounders quotes.

Damn, this is one grim-ass competition they're holding in the Big 10. By the time it's Iowa's turn, they're gonna have to carpet-bomb Cambodia just to keep up.

It’s not about any kind of vibe; it’s about taking advantage of impressionable girls. Girls, not women.

Just substitute the word “ICE” for “Space Force” throughout and it will all become clear ...

I mean, the article doesn’t say it’s as creepy as Saville, and I don’t think it is. But “not as bad as Jimmy Saville” is a pretty low bar to clear, and Walker’s predilection is still troublesome and kinda creepy.

Finally, someone gets it.

When the steroids make you confrontational, but the soy protein makes you weepy. - How I assume the deadlift cop arrived at his emotional state. 

The truth of the matter is, I’m not very comfortable having my face online! I’ve been recognized in public a few times since I started writing for Deadspin (and especially since Drew and I did the Foodspin video series), including once by a contractor who came to my house, and it was very, very jarring. Making a weird…

I am of two minds here: on the one hand, yeah, come the fuck on dude, nobody is posing for selfies at Dachau.  

I can’t believe this Taiwanese baseball league is just going to act like the First Amendment doesn’t apply to them.

Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred tweets

The companies that pay very large sums of money to ESPN for various business and advertising agreements care a lot more that ESPN has a highly-visible Brand Maven willing to write glorified PR releases than they care that ESPN has actual talented reporters.

The last Candlestick game I went to Trent Richardson scored a touchdown on us. We matched his touchdown and lost 27-7.