I don’t know how robo umps could have helped here, but I want robo umps regardless.

I read this and I’ve now spent about 30 minutes wondering about the lives of the respective parties involved given what we know from the obit. Take what we know about Kathleen Dehmlow: Married at 18-19 (so young), two kids and pregnant with a third by 24 (still really young). Moves to California, abandoning two kids…

To be fair, this whole incident escalated due to a few missed periods.

Emmitt Smith: So that’s why they call it an “oldbitchuary.”

Also abandoned: commas.

What do the Cavs and your comment have in common?

Perkins was trying to move out of the way as fast as he could.

Thank you.

What the hell does he mean it’s “not an option for him”?

Wow, it’s almost like people associated with a sport where you beat others into unconsciousness might not be all that well-balanced.

You’re right, I was angry, I was upset.

Somebody plunk that guy, he’s having fun!

Who the fuck did that horrible, awful interview?!
“Listen, baby, after you lost to Sharapova 15 years ago, I asked Donald Trump about it and he said he wanted to fuck the blonde girl who looked like his daughter and that her being so smoking hot intimidated you, an ugly person. True?”
I mean...Jesus fucking christ.

It’s MORE than OK, Chris! The Caps’ annual collapse isn’t hilarious until fans set aside their fatalism.

It’s France, Chris; it’s a marquis showdown.

I am 100% certain Serena Williams could whoop my ass at just about anything. Including literally whooping my ass.

Pusha-T hit at Drake so hard it made Zidane stop and pause and make the decision to just walk away from the game.

She remembers to make burnt offerings of two pigeons or doves 14 days after every menstrual period, right? Cuz you can’t pick and choose.

“It’s not a pick and choose what you want to believe.”