“You know they call corn-on-the-cob ‘corn-on-the-cob,’ right? But that’s how it comes out of the ground, man. They should call that ‘corn,’ and they should call every other version ‘corn-off-the-cob.’ It’s not like if you cut off my arm you would call my arm ‘Mitch,’ but then reattach it and call it…

Not even going to mention that this loss eliminated them from division contention??????????

That’s a different sex act.

Do they have to wait until the end of the season to give you a Pulitzer for this or can they just give it to you while the articles are still going on?

Still a chance to go below .500. Gotta stay positive, everybody!

It’s tough to beat a team you can’t even see on the field.

For all the recent turmoil Gawker has been through, this series remains steadfast like a lighthouse guiding the way in the dead of night. And for that, I thank you and the consistency with which the Cardinals lose.

Univision undoubtedly purchased Gawker Media just to keep this visionary series going and we should all be grateful to the company for doing so.

You are an good writer

Or when Ross picked off Gyorko at 1st and Rizzo tagged him in the face. That was beautiful

Thist is true.

A grateful nation thanks you.

This post doesn’t even mention the Coghlan AB. Or Carpenter being tagged out in the face at home. So I’ll mention those things here.

I did not know Mitch Hedberg before this series. I feel as if a small hole in my life has been filled with his humor.

“I’d like to see a forklift lift a crate of forks... it’d be so d**n literal! You are using that machine for its exact purpose!” - Mitch Hedberg

Best seats in baseball.

The Reds haven’t boned something this thoroughly since the invasion of Afghanistan.

Whether it’s a pre-game meal of Cincinnati chili or St. Louis pizza, you can guarantee a game between these two will end with somebody shitting the bed.