San Francisco has a Homeless Outreach Team you can call for this specifically; not sure if other cities have it. LA doesn’t seem to.

That is a great price for cupcakes.

Well, if we want to talk about what’s not really a big deal: it’s a logo. Teams change their logos all the time. It’s really not worth being an asshole about. The people that really need to move on are these people who are so upset that their team might want to be slightly less racist.

There’s nothing wrong with getting your hair cut at a beauty college. It is the smartest.

But she always throws in something about him being half rodent that kills me because it’s so weird.

Oh my gosh, her Sessions KILLS me.

I could watch Kate McKinnon play Jeff Sessions all day long. That is a brilliant, weird take. But could someone please tell Colin Jost to stop laughing at his own jokes?

My sister’s birthday and my husband’s sister’s birthday are on the same day, so every year I tell him, “It’s your sister’s birthday.” Every year he asks, “Which sister?” and “Do you know how old she is?” Like, dude— it’s a 50/50 on which sister, and you can keep track of the year they were born. Do the min of…

110%! I HATED The Cat In The Hat.

Would he still be super funny and worthy of a headline and story if it was your sister he beat and left bloody on the side of a road? What if it was your mother? Or you? Just wondering what the limit is.

Do you prefer potato peroshkis, or cheese? Is cheese peroshki even a thing? Cheese perogis are, but those are Ukranian, so that’s probably a delicate subject.

Thanks for your input, comrade. Can you tell me where I can get a good vodka for under $5/bottle?

Oh man. This is tough. If you say something, you should be prepared to lose the friendship (speaking from sad experience). I’d say steer the conversation more towards the shitty ex, how you hope to never see her in such a situation again, and you’re always here for her, and that you believe in her.

Ugh. Get out of my state, you racist Keebler Elf.

I was babysitting a kid and playing on the swings with her. She flew out of her swing when it was basically at the top of its arc and fell flat on her face. I stopped and waited breathlessly for the wail— but she bounced up laughing hysterically. Never been so relieved.

Am I the only person who worshipped “Better Off Dead”? Anyway, Dad in Better Off Dead 4Eva. RIP.

I KNOW. Bless his heart, he thinks he is extremely manly and handsome.

Or use the slow cooker!

You mean black people also enslaved white people for 250 years, then kept them under a system of apartheid for another 100 years? Wow, what assholes.

It’s his reward for sending Hope Hicks packing.