Bless that woman for keeping a straight face. I would not have been able to wipe the “YEAH RIGHT” off my face with a Brillo pad.

There are currently at least 5 of my former high school friends pushing various MLMs on Facebook. And one is a serial offender... she goes on and on about how amazing she feels using X, then suddenly stops using X and goes on and on about how Y is amazing and the way to health. And after 5 years of posting memes…

Can you blame him? She looks like Donald Trump.

What’s to learn? They keep getting re-elected and paid without having to bother with crafting and reading actual legislation. It’s their asshole constituents who keep putting them back in charge.

I mean, I guess it was the 80's, before people were really smart about that kind of thing? The whole thing was so strange. She and her best friend, who also lived with us, were basically competing for this guys affections (and he was not worth it in any way). So maybe she thought I would give her an edge? Ugh, the…

He is not George Takei.

My mom basically forced me into friendship with a adult male friend of hers. I found him creepy and overly-interested in spending time with an 11-year-old, but whenever he came over my mom would make me hug him, hang out with him, thank him for his gifts, etc. Ugh.

I would love a George Takei-hosted gay Bachelor so much.

I am... proud?... to say I own EVERY SINGLE JACK CHICK TRACT. I read them all, and sorted out those that were the most fucking insane. I had an idea that I would mount a Dramatic Reading & Interpretation of the worst ones, but then I realized that no one in San Francisco knows who the fuck Jack Chick is, which would…

Oh. I admit that I’m guilty of this. I’m naturally a toucher.

Preach.

My husband didn’t really know how to ride a bike until he was well into his thirties, so one day when we went out, he fell over and gashed his leg open on the sprocket. It was late on a Saturday, so we decided to just eat dinner, watch some TV, and go to the ER in the morning when it was likely to be less jammed. We…

In my (also small, rural, and redneck) community, a man abused all three of his stepdaughters, and his wife, the girls’ mother, stood by him and let him return to her home, even though it meant that she would lose custody of the children. Some people are really convinced that if they don’t have a partner their lives…

Sure, it’s a cute story. BUT NOW I WANT THE PICTURES.

But he always uses the “trying to use hip language but I’m old so it sounds weird” language, for reals.

Sadly this seems not to be true. Dopey seems to have done well enough in the debate to have kept him on board. Also, he must have no pride.

Really weirded out! This has been my fear. I was so nervous before the last one, and it went fine. I’m so excited about this one... SO WHAT IF IT IS TERRIBLE? And so I’m nervous again.

Oh. You have inspired me. I live directly across the street from a polling place, and my front porch happens to be exactly 100 ft from the entrance— I measured for another election. So I can put any damn thing I want, as large as I want, up on my porch. On the down side, I’m in the libbiest place in Northern…

Jesus Christ. Fucking rich people and their fear of taxes. I’m rich, and do you know what I do to avoid paying taxes? FUCKING NOTHING, BECAUSE I’M NOT A GREEDY MOTHERFUCKING ASSHOLE.

I’ve had people actually laugh at my passport photo. Like security professionals, not just my friends.