Even I think she was AMAZING!

I asked everyone on my payroll and they all said I would be an UNBELIEVABLE President!

Daylight savings time, baby. I’m right three times today!

Obama: “Remember what happened to Bin Laden? Just saying’...”

But I was great! GREAT, I tell ya! Just ask my family, they love me. And I’m so huge with the military, it’ll make your head spin! I went to an expensive military-style prep school, so I know these things. And I was born rich (really, really rich!), so I must be smaht.

It does look a bit like me! It’s huge, bloated, and red-faced.

You’re almost as big of an asshat as I am. Almost.

Hey!

What a pussy.

Yankee tourists are the only reason Florida gator farms exist.

I agree 110%.

Even I think this is a great story.

Papa John is huge American hero, almost as much as me.

You are probably one of those Mexican rapists or something. You are going to be crying like a little girl when my lawyers get done with you. My lawsuit is going to be HUGE and the most AMAZING lawsuit the world has ever seen.

This is all incredible crap! Why fly with diseased rapists and drug runners? Just buy your own jet and don’t worry about it. Of course, your jet won’t be as big and amazing and unbelievable as mine, but hey! I’m doing you people a favor just by being here!