That’s right, Rubio IS a nasty Republican. And boy do I know all about nasty Republicans!

Even I think she was AMAZING!

I asked everyone on my payroll and they all said I would be an UNBELIEVABLE President!

Daylight savings time, baby. I’m right three times today!

Even I think you’re an idiot. And I know idiots!

Hey, Big Energy: You guys are jerk-faces. And nobody knows jerk-faces better than me.

Obama: “Remember what happened to Bin Laden? Just saying’...”

One day he was lounging in the school cafeteria when a prankster through a plate in the air.

Stop saying stupid stuff that’s factually wrong. That’s my job.

But I was great! GREAT, I tell ya! Just ask my family, they love me. And I’m so huge with the military, it’ll make your head spin! I went to an expensive military-style prep school, so I know these things. And I was born rich (really, really rich!), so I must be smaht.

It does look a bit like me! It’s huge, bloated, and red-faced.

You’re almost as big of an asshat as I am. Almost.

It’ll be huge!

Don’t be a jerkface. That’s my job.

I don’t get it.

Hey, don’t go and call the guy stupid. That’s my job.

Hey!

It’s not racism. It’s just that those brown Mexicans are killers and rapists. Any maybe a few a good ones, too, like the ones that mow my lawns at my really big houses. But not racism.

The Apprentice. At least, until I GENEROUSLY decided to sacrifice my HUGE income to help you poor people, by running for President.

What a pussy.