Even I think this is a great story.

Papa John is huge American hero, almost as much as me.

You are probably one of those Mexican rapists or something. You are going to be crying like a little girl when my lawyers get done with you. My lawsuit is going to be HUGE and the most AMAZING lawsuit the world has ever seen.

This is all incredible crap! Why fly with diseased rapists and drug runners? Just buy your own jet and don’t worry about it. Of course, your jet won’t be as big and amazing and unbelievable as mine, but hey! I’m doing you people a favor just by being here!