"FIXED!"

How the hell else were we supposed to do it when we lived with our parents? And don't say "wait until they aren't home". Because sometimes your mum's psych class gets unexpectedly canceled and she comes home with no notice and your boyfriend is naked in the bathroom down the hall and you have to bring him his clothes…

Hahaha you so crazy.

I think I wanna have your baby.

I'm partial to "Whatta Man" by Salt-N-Pepa. I can't decide if my favorite lyric is "He knows that my name is not Susan." or "He spends quality time with his kids when he can." But you know what? Why choose?

"I don't like peas and I highly doubt anything else tastes good with butter. Thanks, Obama."

I modified the recipe to make a laundry cake. Start with a basket of clean laundry. Dump it out on your bed. Flowers optional. Ta-Da!

This was my favorite comment:

Man I was way off

Half an inch is probably a sore spot in their life.

This is my dad is high school when he used to race motorcycles. He's still a bad ass to this day and is, to me, a contemporary Theodore Roosevelt. He's a true Texan, a brilliant architect/engineer and just the best all around.

I'm no makeup artist but it sounds like you are pretty much my makeup twin. I recently started filling in my brows and had a similar WTF reaction at first. Then a friend advised that for beginners it's best to ignore trying to match the pencil to your hair or brow colour, just pick up the lightest shade you can find…

There's no makeup to cure my bitchy resting face!

I feel you about the no makeup thing. I usually wear it but when I don't I frequently get "Are you alright?" and "You look tired." I have hereditary dark circles and a face that relaxes into what looks like pissed off, but I'm FINE, aside from you all pestering me.

Dressing to impress? Shaving my legs so the hair doesn't poke through the pantyhose, the scary pants (Spanx), whatever skirt has the least amount of cat fur on it, something black on top, run a brush through my hair, slap some makeup on and a liberal application of self delusion. Et voila! La dolce vita!

According to all listicles, I'm doing everything wrong all the time. Since most people think I don't wear makeup, but when I don't, they tell me I look tired (or, god help me, "Are you coming down with something?" I look THAT bad au naturel?) I must be doing something right. Learning was absolutely trial and error and…

More like e.e. notcumming(s).

Oh god, those people are the worst. "Sorry if you're offended but I don't mince words, I'm just brutally honest!" And the 'just being honest' defense is always used to justify the most transparently insecure, defensive and dishonest acts of verbal cruelty. Here's a tip: brutally honest people are honest enough to…

Maybe, just maybe he should try dating an actual human woman instead of one of these:

Who did this interview, e.e. cummings?