That’s why I occasionally drive by and throw trash in the yard of the guy who works the night-shift at my corner gas station. “Fuck you, Roger! Why my gas and smokes still so spendy?”

We had a group of friends that went out monthly for big dinners. We had to stop inviting one woman because of all the drama with the sending food back and complaining and wanting free stuff. Her BF was a really cool guy, so I told him. He agreed she was terrible and said he tried to get her to stop to no avail. PS she…

“Useless fucking paper clip”: best description of a human I’ve ever read. MORE STORIES, LINDSEY.

Troll harder. 0/5

I am so tired & Friday so all I have are these kittens in a shoe organizer as a response. CARRY ON INTERNET.

Dang. Dave Coulier is full of all kinds of secrets.
You would think he’d have bigger hair.

I fully understand that. I have a big butt and thighs, and those things are heavy. When I weighed 130, you could count every rib (and it looked disgusting), but I still thought I was too heavy because the people who I thought were pretty in movies weighed so much less.

Once on a shoot, a model (lingerie, no less) was choking on some bow tie pasta, so the photographer’s assistant heimliched her. As she coughed up the wad of chewed noodle, she farted theatrically loudly. Afterward, she hid in the bathroom and wouldn’t come out for an hour.

You know he told you to take three...

i cannot with the red dress, the shades, the car. gurllll.

My only takeaway from this is that I really, really want to see Maria Abramovic deliver a powerpoint presentation.

That thing said my 8 year old brother is a 35 year old woman.

No, it’s Becky.

Kendall Jenner dating Michael B. Jordan or Bella Hadid dating the Weeknd...how do I choose...which changes me emotionally...the most?

josh hartnett just really has a lot on his plate right now guys.

Towards the end of our third date, this girl I was dating sheepishly said she had something important to tell me. Expecting an STD story, I started sweating. It took her five minutes of “Ughhh... this is so hard to say...” before she finally tells me her mom banged Huey Lewis. She got pissed and stormed off when I…

Imma come back in an hour after more people have gotten a chance to comment

• Suge Knight finds his court-appointed wheelchair “humiliating.” [Dlisted]

My woman's brain cannot comprehend what "women's brains are worth it" even fucking means.

After the babies were born, I'd sometimes forget about them—not in a leave-them-in-the-car way, but, like, when they'd wake me up at night I'd be confused for a few seconds. "What the fuck is that godawful noise? Oh, yeah... it's you. You're a thing."

It happened with all three kids. New babies are brain-fucks, man.