Psst: if you haven't seen The Brothers Bloom yet, fix that.

I am going to hell, but I laughed.

You're not wrong, but after the decade-long rolling shitshow of the prequels, merely climbing back to the level of competent baseline entertaining will be a massive achievement for this series. Abrams is probably the right man for the job.

The entire universe is pretty much in agreement that Darth Maul and his two-sided lightsaber / light-quarterstaff was the only redeeming feature of the prequels, so I think we're well past the point of worrying about the potential for self-injury with energy weapons in this context.

The first one was okay, I guess. The second one was basically a very long audition reel for letting him do Star Wars, complete with a faux-Millenium Falcon chase scene.

I always wondered if the plan had been to bring Maul back for II and III but that either Ray Park or Peter Serafinowicz weren't available for some reason.

Mark Hamill circa 1977, pre-accident, was adorably cute. From a contemporary perspective you have to correct for the weird rag mops that people in the 70s thought were decent hairstyles, but the kid had killer cheekbones and perfect eyes.

Where by "a word" we mean "a blaster to the face."

Really? I have zero trouble believing that. Spend some time on reddit, or better yet don't. (Seriously, it speaks well of your personal time-management skills that your response is "nobody could be that stupid, could they" and not "I have a top-five list of reddit users who I think that probably was.")

Nope, although they've got some interesting people on the hook for those as well. But Rian Johnson is, barring some sort of major pre-production meltdown, directing Episode VIII and possibly (here we step outside the realm of the known and into rumors) IX as well.

Well, if there's one thing we know at this point, it's that a movie or TV project centered on John Constantine can't fail.

"swaps sex partners with R. Kelly"

"Michelle, you should really consider putting this scene into slow mot*BZZZTTTT*HEY OUCH"

Huh. Well, color me cautiously optimistic. Hopefully working on Game of Thrones has prepared her for dealing with Zack Snyder, by which I mean I hope she's bought a tranquilizer gun and/or a taser.

Yeah, I can't blame him at all for being pissed. Pilots fail to get picked up all the time, but to lose out because the network executives freaked out because the fans were so excited by it that they passed around a screener of the unfinished pilot and some network exec had a grand mal freakout about it? Leaving…

Are you watching Orphan Black? You should totally be watching Orphan Black. Series Three promises to have near-optimum amounts of Michelle Forbes.

Sadly for this show but happily for the rest of us, I suspect that Michelle Forbes is way too busy being That Michelle Forbes Character on "Orphan Black" to seriously entertain the idea of reprising Miranda Zero.

As much as I like and admire Jon Rogers, I'm kinda glad that the 2003 pilot didn't get picked up. Michelle Forbes was pretty much the only thing about GF that felt true to the spirit of the comic. The rest of it was much more an updated, barely-PG13 take on "The A-Team meets the X-Files" than Ellis' scabrous…

There is no way in hell that anyone would ever greenlight a NEXTWAVE movie that was in any way faithful to the brilliant, diseased, gangrenous spirit of the comics…

Probably, yeah. But at the end of the day? I don't actually give a shit about how people feel. Impossible to measure and unlikely to change in timeframes not measured in generations. Deliberate, considered actions FTW.