"My hands! My horrible human hands! And what did you do you my nails?"
"I CLEANED them."

Fry: Ahem, "The Grumpy Snail."

If you can keep me amused through the overture I'll consider it a smashing success!

The A.V. Club

There were enough decent episodes in the DVD/Comedy Central era that I'm glad the show came back, but The Devil's Hands are Idle Playthings is my absolute favorite episode, and works absolutely perfectly as a finale. The actual eventual finale was pretty good, but Devil's Hands is beat perfect.

One of my favorite Onion articles: http://www.theonion.com/art…

jafr traps jasmin in giant digital clock instead of giant hourglass
aladin make tindr profile for prince ali
genie get ipad

Where in hell is Major Kong?

He's having an episode!

"There's nothing we can do! There's a shitload of geese carcasses in the turbines!"
"Are the geese carcasses really the problem? Or is the problem that you don't believe in yourself?"
(music swell, Sullenberger lowers sunglasses)
"Let's land this thing."

Don't meddle with his vision

There's also the @Deli-night, which varies wildly in quality depending on which set of employees are there on a given might

I've been listening to Hardcore History, History of Rome and then Revolutions, and History of Byzantium, and I'm now all the way caught up on all of them, and I don't know what to do with myself while I'm waiting for new episodes to come out now. I've tried some other history podcasts, but I've yet to find any that…

Don't remember where I read it now, but somebody reporting from one of his fundraising dinners wrote that he was asked why he expanded medicaid in his state. He answered, "Because when I get to the gates of heaven, I want to be able to say that I did something to help the poor," and like 50 people immediately walked…

He says he's just a comedian and not a politician, BUT THEN SOMETIMES HE SAYS POLITICAL THINGS.

I'm gonna make my own Fantastic Four movie. With blackjack. And hookers.

I think he'd have to spend about a year huffing paint first

"Where'd you guys go?"
"We… went out for a nice din—"
"Arbys!"

"Fantastic Four… let a busload of children drown" —A.A. Dowd

"Up, up, and away! …Is where I'm about to send your mother, Clark." —Pa Kent, rolling up his sleeves and taking another gulp of whiskey