Me neither. I don't know why someone would pay for it. I actually play on an old phone so that when I run out of lives, I just change the clock. Taa-daa. I have lives again.

I fully admit to being addicted to this damn game and I hate myself for it. But I have never ever paid for that shit. Don't blame this on me.

Or a woman who isn't pregnant but has an HCG secreting tumor and therefor turns a pregnancy test positive.

That's what I was thinking (that a drink here and there will not cause FAS). Don't you have to be drinking pretty heavily through your pregnancy to cause it? And in that case, isn't the problem alcoholism and not having a glass of wine here and there? I highly doubt a postive pregnancy test will dissuade many…

I'm not even mad anymore, I'm just bewildered.

Basically, women should just be forced to take regularly-scheduled pregnancy tests before our male protectors will sign off on our ability to leave the house. Because we wouldn't want to endanger the children by, you know, existing autonomously in the world.

What a fucking dumbass. As a pregnant lady, I reserve my goddamn right to a glass of wine as I please. I'm a fucking doctor - I know the risks full well. You apparently don't since you think a single drink causes FAS. You and your uniformed ass can sit the fuck down.

Why stop there? We should probably give pregnancy tests for women who do many dangerous things:

How responsible of you! Same here. But apparently the right answer is unprotected sex, getting pregnant, and then having your child lead a less than ideal existence (due to emotional, situational or monetary concerns).

Or the women who just miscarried, but could still test positive on a pregnancy test, and just need a fucking drink.

???? Like, Republicans are so weird? I seriously can't even believe this is a real story, yet I know it is.

So taking birth control actually makes you responsible. So you're being responsible about being irresponsible! Hurrah!

What about pregnant women who are just steeling their nerves before going for an abortion?

Seriously. Go home, Pete Kelly, you're drunk!

Baby-Hating Drunk Sluts is going to be my new band name.

Also, I initially wrote "srunk duts".

....am I drunk right now?

He is partially right. I take birth control because I don't necessarily want to be responsible for a child.

There's a table full of Deadspin guys who were really, really confused.

A well-filtered #tbt Instagram photo.

So that's what a Pinterest divorce looks like.

I'm curious what unconscious uncoupling looks like.