I'm really happy for you, and Imma let you finish, but Buffy was the best Chosen One of all time! All time!

oh, how edgy and unique. wompwomp.

"I'll put it this way," Huckabee says. "I treat my wife very differently than I treat my chums and my pals. I wouldn't worry about calling them on Valentine's Day, opening the door for them, or making sure they were OK."

I'm glad Bill finally brings up an important point, that if you have sex in the back of a limousine you will absolutely get pregnant with an unwanted child.

Brilliant.

Translation - Russel, you are black, so you must be able to explain the behavior of every black person, whose behavior I personally question. This shit happens all the time.

Beyonce is a great example for young girls in that she makes marriage and sex with your spouse sound awesome. I'm not even a young girl and I think Beyonce has made marriage seem pretty fantastic.

And I think Bill O'Reiley is bad for the development of children that we would want to grow up to be rational, thinking, responsible adults.

It's the weirdest thing - Beyonce is a married straight woman who has a child. It is literally the only kind of woman that Fox News says SHOULD be having sex. Oh right, they're still not supposed to talk about it. Or have financial autonomy. Or be feminists. My bad.

What about the kids who don't have an amazing mother and an okay father? What about them?

Well, you know, sex=bad (even if you are in a happy monogamous heterosexual marriage, I guess). And when those two consenting adults engaged in the sexual activity are black, woah, that is really bad.

I stopped where I saw "work will wait, fertility won't." Has she seen the job market for the past 10-15 years? If you can't explain your absence from the work force for over 6 months, your resume is tossed in the trash.

Last night I was watching Kindergarten Cop, and for some reason this woman seems like she would fit the "evil domineering mother-in-law" archetype very well.

"while wearing Halloween colors and jewelry that was rejected by a cash-for-gold business"

This is what would happen if Bette Midler and Rhea Pearlman had a child.

"It's dangerous to say to women that you can count on men to act responsibility."

"I'm just being honest" translates directly to "I'm an asshole who thinks the entire world needs my opinion, stated as harshly and as unkindly as possible"

After reading all her crap about dropping the weight and getting cosmetic surgery...now that I see her, she's not quite what I was expecting. She's a bit frumpier than I had imagined. (Yes, that's mean and shallow, but so is she.)

I went out with a guy once whose job was to counsel Princeton students who have raped their classmates. SO yeah, I would say its an actual thing.

Shorter Patton: "Hello, I'm not a very nice person and I give terrible advice."