I don’t see myself needing an extra footlong or wanting to use an app to order from them. Half of the point of Subway is that you can see the sandwich made in front of you so you can make sure nobody puts any goddamn mayo on it and that there aren’t just 2 slivers of onion on the whole thing.

Do people really eat at KFC unironically? If there’s a Popeye’s or Church’s (preferably Church’s) nearby, why would you do that?

I love food way too much to give any serious ground to non-alcoholic drinks in my day’s calories.

I can only assume you store them next to the severed heads of your victims as this is clearly serial killer behavior.

Irish Budweiser

Astley’s Northern Hop Lager

What else are you going to do?  Work?  

Bourdain didnt think he was a deep philosopher.  He knew he was a guy who had lucked into a great gig.  He said so frequently.  

Nice. A minor suggested adjustment from someone who spends about eleven hours a day thinking about alliteration:

I don’t have eyes in the back of my throat, champ.

Did his dad abandon them in October? That would explain a lot.

This is a short-term solution to a long-term problem. Don’t do it. People love you.  

This was worse than the last two World Series exits. At least they ripped our hearts out fast in the deciding game. The hope spot for seven innings was absolutely excruciating when they finally gagged it up. Not even the Giant bro at the bar screaming "Bryan Stow" and "fucking retard" in my face after the grand slam…

Interesting, in that all these guys suck.

People who love cooking are really bad at imagining there are people who don’t love cooking.

Deadspin: BARF BARF BARF

The only thing in this article that I completely believe:

Sounds like a pretty good way to start the week.

Plus now he has the whole day to himself!