no let's just not...

It's the regulatory equivalent of throwing batteries at a player.

They were too young for the Phillies anyway.

The question is, when are simian genes going to be transferred into plants? I, for one, can't wait to say, "Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty grape!"

Pussy, whipped

You know he doesn't have an actual invite to Phillies camp since possum's don't live to 35.

I'm working out how to time travel.

I worked out how to time travel!

Boo hoo hoo, Russia. You spent decades winning the gold by sending what was basically a professional all-star team to play college kids. Karma's a bitch, ain't it?

Depends on the sport and personal arrangements, I think. I was in the London 2012 games and completed my events in the first week. After that, we were allowed to move into the village for the second week and enjoy it all.

4. There should be a net for scoring points like in hockey. So the skaters have to artistically knock a ball into the goal while performing.

the biggest Olympic boners of all time

I think the answer is yes... given current rules. But the difficulty level could still be on the rise if there are rule changes on the horizon.

careful where you stick the landing.

The above joke was told to me by President Obama. I'm close personal friends with President Barack Obama, and he told me that joke. "Put this on Deadspin," he said to me. "You're an approved commenter, I don't want this buried down in the pending comments. This is a good joke. No, I can't post it myself, you idiot,…