how do you know she didn't name her boobs Hopes and Dreams? Ever think of that? Huh?

We haven't even figured out what a Kellan Lutz is. Or why is there one. And until that happens, it cannot have a defined sexual preference.

Re: Miley's Worst Nightmare

GRADE: F- (realizing that all of human existence is but a dream occurring in Shia LaBeouf's mind as he slumbers in a glass box on display in the Met. It is a performance piece. The only spectator is a medium-sized dog in sunglasses.)

Isn't that the international sign for "I'm about to get explosive diarrhea"?

This is my favorite one ever. Baskets, FFS!!!

I expect this will be an unpopular sentiment but here goes: isn't each of us (my delusional self included) displaying that same narcissistic self-indulgent tendencies right here in the comment section? (or whatever the f it's now called?).

I initially read that headline as Man's Penis Epic Story of Love. Of course I clicked that headline. Only slightly disappointed with the content. Go, you brokenhearted romantic.

We need the showdown between Justin Bieber and Kim Jung Un. That would be crazy.

That's what my gynecologist said to me.

Yay, he said something to destigmatize autism!

I much prefer my own explanation, where it was from the brain weevils trying to escape from his face.

More like "terrortoma", am I right?

Whatever amateurs. I've been to Uncle Terry's, play nice and you come out unmarked. On the outside.

Gay Woman Sees Bi Athlon...

Dear Jezebel,

Well, with a Tweet like that you'd expect her to be lighting a cross in a front yard, not the Olympic Flame.

BoC: Excuse me, waiter, I'll have an Arnold Palmer.

This the one?

Well if you liked this one...