The tattoos alone should be cause enough to lock him away from humanity forever. Yuck.

I'm crowning!

But she's so fetch!

I thought if you wanted a happy ending you had to pay extra in the back room of a massage parlor.

I had plans to get fat when I hit 65 to fill in the wrinkle lines on my face. May have to rethink that plan...

Cheers to that! Beautifully said.

If you give kids condoms, they will probably unwrap them with their friends, get grossed out by their cold squishiness and put off having sex for a few more years. Truth.

How gross would it be to be enrolled there and know that your tuition dollars were funding that sick fucks proclivities?

If you lived closer, I'd hand deliver a funnel cake.

Is this from the latest Derelicte line?

Finally, the prophesy of the movie "Scrooged" has been realized!

You win the internet today, TychoTronic!

Brilliant! Although difficult to hang out and drink in. Cheers to you, Josh!

Nope. She's even frumpier on Girls.

Once every seven years I think I NEED bangs and that they will look fabulous on me. They never, ever do.

I purchased the two CD movie soundtrack in college (a lot of money to me at the time) just to hear Sug sing "Maybe God is Trying to Tell You Something."

I can't believe Susan Sarandon has a phone with a cord on it. I love her...

I had to read it ten times. Wtf is she saying?!

At least she's not twerking. Yet.

Please tell me what I have to do to get someone to make me a titty fuckin cake. Whatever it is, I'll do it!