I see raw meat at the playground every day though.

as a heterosexual married man, I can relate to

Filed to: this is why we can’t have nice things

but what are friends for then

Oh no, where will I keep my extensive collection of dildos that I bring to the movie?

REALER TALK:

i will totally fight you though

It seems that even Hillary has to show she’s down for the cause, and if it’s on camera, all the better.

All of this is true.

And my job being married is to get my husband and my [seven] kids to heaven with me.

YOUR REAL MOTHER LEFT YOU IN A HOTEL SAFE

Speaking as a fellow competitive little shit, it really doesn’t matter whether you get a participation trophy or a championship trophy or any other trophy. You win, you lose. You know which happened. Trophies are kind of irrelevant.

Great article.

“Hello, ladies.”

Of COURSE the video is in portrait mode.

It’s not a parody

similarly:

hot take alert

ignore all these fucking enablers