Here you go.

I have a friend who was recently diagnosed with lung cancer at 37 years old, it doesn't just happen to old people. There's no time like the present to quit.

Unfortunately I thought of the UK slang version of spit roast just now so thanks for the mental image.

Video games worked for me.

What did he test dirty for?

Well paint me white and call me a picket fence, I never knew there was a band called Scruffy the Cat until just now. Back in the early 00s when I used to DJ I went by DJ Scruffy because my grade school aged niece used to call me uncle scruffy because I had a scruffy looking beard. My original Gawker network name was…

For some reason I'm hearing that in my head in Anthony Bourdain's voice.

Can you share a few of those jokes with us?

"I do, however, know why they put Braille on drive thru ATMs."

The fact that the clip made sense from beginning to end disproves the Bay theory.

Critics seem to only like satire which I rarely laugh at but then again like you I was raised on slapstick stuff.

A reality show where you teach others to lose weight.

I'm not surprised that all of these non-fiction books don't get finished, I rarely read non-fiction unless I need to learn something I'm going to be using soon. I have a pretty short attention span for just randomly learning stuff. That Cliff guy who invented Cliffs Notes was on to something because a lot of other…

All I want to know is do chimps dig Jungle music?

I still need to learn how to juggle.

Unfortunately you get ridicule instead.

I think I lean towards being more of a non-denominational dictator than a fascist one.

Hate watch?

Yikes! No SCUBA diving for this cat.

You introverts can have Mars the rest of us will just start our own planet with blackjack and hookers...