I like jokes that remind me I am a terrible person.

Glad to see the Comedy Explainer Guy from Family Guy is still doing his thing, even if he has been reduced to being a Deadspin commenter.

Could I ever get lower than her, no. But playing by the rules is only helpful when those rules are actually going to be enforced. The only penalty there seems to be for breaking the rules is getting forced to do what you were supposed to in the first place.

Nice, I'll probably be the happiest guy there because, fuck it, at least I wasn't married or a father when that went down.

Me too, if I ever run into you in a bar I’ll buy you a drink and we can commiserate. My only regret is not stooping to her level more in the whole process. I tried to hold the high road and keep all my t's crossed for legal reasons, but seeing how worthless the courts have been in the whole process I think I would…

Did we date the same person?

*goes home to bang Ciara*

Yes, because if I have the option to buy or rent a video (we’re not just talk things available to me for free on prime) or music, or whatever, I can’t make that purchase on Amazon if I want it to work with my Chromecast. For me it's a big reason why I don't use any of their digital TV or music services.

After watching:

After watching:

You should tell her that when you get home. Then maybe she will tell you she also read this article and it made her feel the same way about you, at which point your eyes will meet and the two of you will engage in about 4 minutes and 47 seconds of disgusting and awkward yet tender love making. It’s like Rupert Hayes -…

She probably feels the same way about you leaving the toilet seat up.

Today’s edition of Upside/Downside

You’re either misapplying what you read or you’ve never had to deal with one of these people and you should consider yourself lucky. There are relationships that you will have with people where they will trample your boundaries, manipulate you, or degrade your esteem. Sometimes these are objectively shitty people,…

13.5 MPH is basically sprinting for some people. I spend 5 min on the treadmill at 10 MPH and I'm soaked in sweat. The people that do it for 2 hours are mutants.

I was listening to some playoff game last year and the announcer kept using the phrases double and triple penetration. Couldn't help but laugh but now I get the strangest boner when listening to NBA games on the radio...

Most men 21-35 are pretty good looking if they are in the kind of shape you need to be in to play professional soccer. The problem is the average guy is usually a fat sack of crap.

Someone left a pea under her mattress.

No liquid DnB? You guys are disappoint.

Oooohhhhhhhhhh, so if I don't want to have a shitty flabby body I need to eat better and exercise. I really thought I'd get there with cheesesteaks and Madden. Shit.