That headline is such bullshit. Michael Cohen is not scared of going to prison. He really cares about justice. You really think Prison Mike is scared of going back to the Clink?

(Brand didn’t comment for this story.)

“and not an accused sexual predator”

Oh, let’s give it time. 

I’m from Alabama. Fuck this possibly carpetbagging piece of shit. Either way fuck this piece of shit.

“I’m not sure I want to relocate to Alabama to challenge for the.........”

I’m sure the good and smart people of Alabama would of course reject such a blatant carpetbagging move.

Hello friend, let me tell you about a little thing called the NRA

Truman Peyote is like a Deadspin commenter come to life, and frankly, it’s fucking terrifying.

This seems a fair comp to me. The talent is overwhelming, but you just never know how this sort of thing is going to play out.

Are you pulling over or underneath the shorts?

I feel like Jizyah Shorts is the Duke of 2019, but I’m still pulling for them.

Does Twitter get a cut? I feel like Twitter should get a cut. 

So if it turns out Kogut is a crooked ref, does he get the money back?

Deicide Huxtable is the perfect name for the year Bill Cosby may die in prison. And if Bill is murdered by a disillusioned former fan of the Cosby Show, it’ll be especially weird.

Haha, oh man. Well, I’m glad at least that my opponent takes his craft seriously.

First of all, how dare you, Mr. Westeros! Pope Thrower is objectively the better name. Secondly, as unofficial NOTY historian, I implore you to check your facts, sir! The worst NOTY voting travesty was in 2014 when Genghis Cohen — arguably the greatest NOTY name of all time — lost in the first round to Erby Ferby, a…

Pope Thrower is this years auburn. You don’t want to run into him until you absolutely have to

This region is a fucking bloodbath. There isn’t a bad name in the bunch and it has at least 5 of my 7 favorites. The selection committee should be ashamed.

If there is a God, may the woefully underseeded Pope Thrower fight the godslayer, Deicide Huxtable