I found the Maverick! 

If you hate now, wait until you hear about soon.

This might be the biggest fall from “stardom” I’ve seen in my “young” life.

“I would like to withdraw $12,000 cash from my checking account. Please do the money count somewhere else. I’d like to be discreet.”

Over and over, Republican politicians make horrifying comments about rape, and they never seem to learn from the backlash.

Woah. I totally forgot she existed for a little while. It was nice.

If Dr. John Harvey Kellogg were living today, his browser history would be the stuff of nightmares. 

I still think Parks and Rec has the best options for reboots. Just switch the focus to another department. There could be a “Waste Management” show with the 2 stoner guys or a “Sewage Department” show with Sewage Joe as a surly, disgusting Leslie. The show could run at the same time as the original, and Parks and Rec…

And they’re both winning. 

Wait! What’s happening in Boko Haram? I have a time share in Boko Haram!

The ocean is literally swallowing up this dumpster of a state, and THIS is what these assholes are focusing on?!?!!? As a Floridian, I wish the ocean would hurry up.

What would be the 1980s equivalent of this scenario?

Kentucky Meat Shower sounds like a sex act.

During a snow delivery, most of the delivery is spent inside a warmed car, so in that regard, they weren’t too bad.

He would have made the weirdest goddamn president.

Yeah!

Is it just me, or are roasted tomatoes shockingly better than raw tomatoes?

Gattaca bro, Gattaca.

“I tell it like it is.”

Then again I don’t have royal money and ample free time.