Same. I was like “damn why is tilapia so cheap? that shit’s artisan”

Definitely read that as: Julia Roberts is “leaning on kefir.” I pictured her pounding shots of it while repeating FERMENT NOT LAMENT bc that’s how i deal with marriage troubles.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA this is the best shit on the internet. @fart, you are the best shit on the internet.

aaand the vatican has confirmed this happened. Yuck. Martyrdom is a hungry beast and the Pope just took it to a fucking buffet.

YES.

Blame Canada!

Republicans: the original cockblockers who can’t block their own cocks.

You = the best

Riiiiiiight. Like he would have said anything other than “Girl. That hair tho. Take care of that shit.”

You sound very depressed and there is a way to be a parent and be a happy and fulfilled person. I suffered from depression (and then hit hard with PPD) and just recently started getting help and making some changes that have made a big impact for me and my self-worth. There’s a light at the end of this shitty tunnel,…

100% this.

“What if your blue is my red? Do you see my dress? what color is it? think about it. QUESTION EVERYTHING.”

A lot of these sort of read the way a 10 year old boy’s answers would be. We’re gonna have the BEST stuff for the military and nobody will ever mess with us and and and we are going to be super rich i’m gonna have the FASTEST cars and ALL the toys and we will build a wall to keep the mean people out! Right mom??

IT’S GONNA BE YUGE!

Invested in some red lipstick (NARS Dragon Girl because I like to imagine myself as ‘30-something Chunky Taylor Swift’) and daaaaaamn. I’ve never worn red because I didn’t think I could pull it off. Turns out you just need the right shade and the right amount of I don’t give a shit (TM). I definitely feel 28% fancier…

I’ve bought Kevin Murphy’s Angel Wash (lavender-hued and makes your hair like goddamned silk) on amazon. I’m in Canada, so if you are in the US, you probably have 500 other places to buy this stuff online! It’s not cheap but it’s amazing and smells good.

a wiggitywiggitywiggity whaaa?

can somebody please kick that soapbox out from under her already? I’d rather pick dingleberries out of a stranger’s butthole hair than listen to ANY of her opinions on anything

KILL IT WITH FIRE. Please also kill with fire: chevron and any wall decals/decorations with words. I don’t like it when walls yell at me and tell me what to do

AMEN, sister.