SUCKS TO YER ASPARTAME

Diorshow has a great brush. My ideal mascara would be the combination of the Dior brush with the Voluminous formula... for not $30 because that’s bullshit.

Diorshow has a great brush. My ideal mascara would be the combination of the Dior brush with the Voluminous…

YES IT IS. Thank you. I might as well use a twig to apply shoepolish to my eye. I think the brush is actually worse than the formula, but who knows or cares? PLEASE STOP PRODUCTION OF THIS SHIT IMMEDIATELY

YES IT IS. Thank you. I might as well use a twig to apply shoepolish to my eye. I think the brush is actually worse…

WHAT IS THIS? A DRESS MADE OF LIMES?

NOPE.

Okay, but let’s talk about the blonde chick who appears to be situated between Kylie and Tyga . . . how and what? and where is her body? Is this an optical illusion? Is she just a glamorous appendage on Kylie Jenner? I need somebody to draw me a diagram of how all that shit in that photo is physically possible RIGHT…

I enjoy both raw cookie dough and raw BREAD DOUGH. A lot. I would eat it all the time if it didn’t make me feel so funky.

tall enough, if you know what I mean. 8-)

WHAT IS LIFE

Hilary is acting like a politician because she is a politician. Great observation you have made there.

Also, cauliflower mash isn’t bad, but you’ll fart the most horrible, life-altering farts for what feels like an eternity. You will grow to despise your own butt.

I’ve never followed the Paleo diet, but isn’t it actually a meat-loving diet? ooga booga.

“Fart Sound” YES. A thousand times fart sound.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. D for trolling. The lactose thing was so outlandish and promising but really fell flat. The self-righteous prude mommy could work but I’d like to see you practice by commenting on a vaccination thread or something about sex ed in schools.

“motel jacuzzi” is probably the nicest and funniest thing anyone has ever said about Robin Thicke. MOTEL. JACUZZI.

Cartwheeling into a large wooden coffee table while performing a self-choreographed dance routine to “La Bamba.” I broke my big toe and had a cast up to my knee. I told the neighborhood kids that I broke my foot kicking someone in the ass. Almost 20 years later, my toe still throbs when I hear that song. No joke.

This exact thing happened in my HS. Was he a chemistry teacher?

This might be my favourite thing I’ve ever read on the internet. I’m sorry... ish.

WHAT. THE. FUUUUU.

One of my best friends was Mormon, and there were always these hiiiighly chaperoned, hilarious and awkward Mormon (no offence, guys, but hot dang) teen dances that happened from time to time. I accompanied her because a. I was a little nerd with no cooler plans, ever b. they were hilarious and c. some of the guys were…